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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil - The stuffy, Sneezy, why-the-n the world-is-the-room spinning-medicine.

God must love stupid people, there are so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It IS as BAD as you think. And they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?